November 16, 2005


What I'd do if I won a mega-jackpot lottery, vol. 43

1. I would start thinking of ways to give a lot of it away (I have promised the Grandfathers this will always be No. 1)

2. I would invest about 80% of the rest in rock-solid stuff like precious metals and low-yield savings.

3. I would invest 10% in higher risk stuff like money markets, venture capital, black jack and sports betting.

4. I would utilize the last 10% in my eleven month Bacchanalian descent into complete debauchery so as to get it out of my system. Hopefully Jennifer wouldn’t divorce me but if so there’s plenty of mail-order brides in the sea. (KIDDING HONEY)

5. If there’s anything left over after hitting the Cal-Neva on my third trip around the globe, I’d buy about 4000 acres in the Sandias of New Mexico and start developing the first mountain bike/Nordic ski living community (Proud Merry Farm). It would be like the golf ones except with 97% fewer trees removed, and you would have to have read “Black Elk Speaks” and cried before you could buy a house there. Each lot could be no more than half an acre and each house could be no more than 2600 square feet. It would be limited to 20 homes per 100 acres and the rest would be community property - mostly for trails but also some park space. There would be all kinds of other covenants to ensure that only the hippest and mellowest of humans lived there.

6. I would spend the rest of my days enjoying my money by sharing generously (but not ostentatiously) with my friends and family. I would occupy myself with many hours of writing and photographing, perhaps documenting and taking action on injustices that I see. I would probably sit on the boards of a few hip charitable organizations to further edify my civic spirit.

7. I would brew lots of incredibly tasty beer, and do a bit of gardening on the sunny hillsides surrounding Proud Merry. Perhaps tulips or some other flora from the Netherlands, no?

8. I would ride my bicycles a whole bunch, play guitar and play with my dogs (all 8 of them) and take long hikes with them and my Bunches true.

Things I would NOT do:

1. I would NOT buy jewelry, a jet ski, a Hummer (or any other huge-honkin’ SUV), artwork exceeding $5,000, any politicians, or CDs from the Sony label.

2. I would NOT run for public office unless it was clear that I could make a difference without playing the game, which is to say I would NOT run for public office.

3. I would NOT become more of a pretentious asshole than I am already (see #2 above).

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