February 27, 2007


An evol conspiracy of heck fire proportions

Ben Bridges, a Republican state representative in Georgia, has made a name for hisself by decrying for years the teaching of evolution in Georgia’s public schools (don’t fergit kids – we’re the home of the “evolution disclaimer textbook sticker”). But even ole’ Ben is backing away slowly from a powder keg to which some fiendish cohort stenciled his name. It seems that a feller by the name of Marshall Hall sent out a memo regarding a buttload of “indisputable evidence – long hidden but now available to everyone – (that) demonstrates conclusively that so-called ‘secular evolution science’ is the Big-Bang, 15-billion-year alternative ‘creation scenario’ of the Pharisee Religion.”

Sufferin’ Septuagint! What’s the number to call?!

By the time the memo got out to several other state legislatures and, hold on to your hats, was presented in the Texas House (NO WAY?! Way.) by an acquaintance of Rep. Bridges, ole’ Ben, in sync with the Anti-Defamation League breathing down his neck, saw the scripture on the wall. “I did not put it out nor did I know it was going out,” Bridges told the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. “I'm not defending it or taking up for it.”

Smart move, and seemingly not too hard to put the distance between him and Hall, especially if you take a gander around the latter’s website, the official site of the Fair Education Foundation, Inc. The main thrust of Hall’s game is to have evolution declared a religious teaching and therefore also subject to Constitutional scrutiny heretofore levied upon the teaching of creationism/intelligent design. He had ostensibly worked with Bridges to introduce a bill in the Georgia House that “calls for an end to all teaching of evolution-based ‘science’ in tax supported education.” The decision was made to not introduce the bill, according to the FEF website.

In his list of the “long hidden but now available facts” Hall puts forth the claim of the religious roots of evolutionism, beginning with a citation (from a now unavailable webpage) of Nechunya ben HaKana, a first century Kabbalist who asserted that if you know how to use the 42 letter name for God you could decipher the time between the creation of the universe and man. Some 2000 years before Douglas Adams, Nechunya estimated the age of the Universe at 15.3 billion years. Hall continues looking down his nose at such cosmic spiritualist science by citing the calculations of physicist and, by Hall’s estimation not so coincidently, Kabbalist Gerald L. Schroeder, author of The Science of God, who put forth something along the line that the six days of creation could be calculated to equal the approximately 15 ¾ billion years that make up the universe’s age. Not being a stranger to far-out religious calculations, I’ve heard this sort of figuring in other circles, and I say “why not?” After all, if we’re going to get churchy, let’s throw in the scripture from the Second Book of Peter which states “that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.” If that doesn’t just mesh right in with Big G’s Moving In Mysterious Ways concordat* (and He backs it up in a diatribe to the prophet Isaiah, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD). Nyaaah.

I fear that Hall may be on to something then. Evolutionist teaching may well be built upon a religious foundation. But should we snatch up the rug of tax dollars for public schools that teach evolution? Certainly not if Hall’s plan is the alternative. He displays on his home page a photo of a lamp-like device that appears to be causing a model of Earth to levitate motionlessly in the air, accomplished by “an electromagnet and computerized sensor hidden in its display stand.”

“Could God have engineered something like that for the real Earth?” he asks. “The Bible and all real evidence confirms that this is precisely what He did, and indeed today’s cosmology fulfills an anti-Bible religious plan disguised as ‘science.’ The whole scheme from Copernicanism to Big Bangism is a factless lie. Those lies have planted the Truth-killing virus of evolutionism.”

OK, not so out-of-whacked for a guy who advises you to “Please Fasten Your Mental And Spiritual Seat Belts” before embarking on a trip through the wonders of his website, which includes such nuggets of wisdom and observation as:

The Earth is not rotating...nor is it going around the sun (That makes for a pretty quick scamper that old Sol does each day from the east down to the west)

The universe is not one ten trillionth the size we are told (I agree, it’s not)

“All that remains is to understand the role that Hi-Tech Fraud, occult mathematics, Kabbalist-friendly scientists, Space Agency complicity, etc. have played in transmuting True Science into an evolution-based false science.” (Seriously, that’s all...)

I found quite amusing his assessment of “Kabbalist” Carl Sagan: “by all accounts, a perpetually stoned ‘exobiologist’,” and he prattles on with the usual anti-semitic conspiratorial crap against Einstein, Spielberg, Eisner and others.

I commented at PJ’s place the other day that I have no patience with these types, having actually walked in their midst in another lifetime. But I also said I take issue with scientists who seem to follow a course of study as if to disprove the existence of God. I find that almost as disingenuous as the former folk, and indeed I see that elitist scientific attitude as the likely driving force behind the so-called faithful’s ranting – they’re pissed off that someone is putting their religion to a test by the numbers. Any Higher Power, in my humble and supplicative estimation, is not quantifiable on purpose, and makes the frothy-mouthing on both sides seem ridiculous.

*term aptly coined by Mr. Terry Gilliam

Labels: , ,

February 21, 2007


No, nothing...

...could steal my groove today. Not unreturned phone calls. Not looming deadlines. Not sitting in gridlock on I-75 caused by the presidential motorcade (OK that one came close). Not having the song I dedicated to my son for his homecoming cut off by NPR news. That's right, NOTHING, because our Max came home today and I am on vacation.

And since the song got cut off, here are the lyrics -it's one of my very favorites. It expresses the wonder and beauty of life in this wild world, which for my son I hope increases with eyes to see it more often than not:

Eyes Of The World

Right outside this lazy summer home
You ain't got time to call your soul a critic, no
Right outside the lazy gate of winter's summer home
Wondrin' where the nut-thatch winters
Wings a mile long just carried the bird away

Wake up to find out that you are the eyes of the world
The heart has its beaches, its homeland and thoughts of its own
Wake now, discover that you are the song that the morning brings
The heart has its seasons, its evenings and songs of its own.

There comes a redeemer and he slowly too fades away
There follows a wagon behind him that's loaded with clay
The seeds that were silent all burst into bloom, and decay
The night comes so quiet, its close on the heels of the day

Wake up to find out that you are the eyes of the world
The heart has its beaches, its homeland and thoughts of its own
Wake now, discover that you are the song that the morning brings
The heart has its seasons, its evenings and songs of its own

Sometimes we live no particular way but our own
Sometimes we visit your country and live in your home
Sometimes we ride on your horses, sometimes we walk alone
Sometimes the songs that we hear are just songs of our own

Wake up to find out that you are the eyes of the world
The heart has its beaches, its homeland and thoughts of its own
Wake now, discover that you are the song that the morning brings
The heart has its seasons, its evenings and songs of its own.


February 19, 2007


The art of crunch


I am not alone in my fondness of cereal. For years it was and often still is referred to as “breakfast cereal” by the unenlightened (indeed, even Wikipedia). It is the proliferation and culinary advancement of cold cereals that have warmed my heart since I took to solids some 40 years ago. Like many American kids before and since, cold sugary cereals were a staple of my day’s nutrition, but on occasion I was subject to more healthy adult-oriented offerings, though still with a spoonful or three of sugar (helps the medicine go down, right?).

As an adult, the simple convenience of cold cereal kept it in the rotation of my diet, though my tastes have become more discriminating through the years. Nostalgic whims might find me on occasion ingesting the likes of Super Golden Crisp or Cap’n Crunch, both of which provide the elusive, high-quality après milk that can be, save in the most couth company, imbibed directly from the bowl. Now I generally seek more sophisticated offerings that, in addition to the traditional morning fare of nutritional and scheduling convenience, can complement a meal or serve as an appropriate and satisfying snack.
I could go into great detail of all the intricacies of cereal connoisseurship, but for now I’ll just lightly sprinkle a few of the salient points.

Among the grains used in cereal processing, oats are the exquisite Rolls Royce, wheat and rice the reliable and comfortable Cadillac and Lincoln, and corn the workhorse Chevy truck. For my money, all the top tasties are oat cereals, e.g. Life, Honey Bunches of Oats, Honey Nut Cheerios, Cracklin’ Oat Bran and the better quality granolas. Wheat makes up the bulk of the “healthy” cereals, what with the fibrous benefit of its bran. Total, Wheaties and Raisin Bran are all solid choices. Rice is sort of a poor man’s oats, creating such stalwart classics as Rice Krispies and its hard-to-find version of Chex. Corn is by far the most common grain, and via corn syrup, most common sweetener of the kiddie cereals. But corn still offers plenty to be excited about, what with Frosted Flakes, Apple Jacks, and any number of Cap’n Crunch varietals.

There is always the option for toppings, and here are a few of my preferences. For the oat-based cereals I find that ripe bananas (meaning nary a shade of green) bring a great taste combo to the table, especially in the après milk. The rice cereals do well with tangy fruit such as strawberries and blueberries, and I’ve even been known to slice up some peaches. Wheat also fares well with fruit, and the delight of a smattering of brown sugar cannot be underestimated. Ironically, the lowly corn, if not pre-sweetened to within a return trip to the dentist for fillings, fares well with bananas on top like those snooty oats. I can’t seem to find them any more, but Kellogg's Nut & Honey Crunch with bananas reigns supreme on my cold corn cereal menu (with Cinnamon Toast Crunch, still widely available, a close second).

Finally, I would like to mention that this post was inspired by a fellow blogger who recently revealed his Power of Cereal Knowledge, i.e., "knowing exactly which type of cereal should be eaten in any circumstance, any time of day." I tested his prowess and dedication to the craft and must say he passed with Fruit Loop colors. The importance of this skill should not be undervalued, at least among those of us whole-grain warriors who have the vision to see the future of cereal and mankind’s place in it. I salute all you fellow pilgrims on the vitamin-fortified highway of health and tastiness! We must unite to bring our message of hope and good taste to the masses! Thank you, Will Kellogg! Thank you, C.W. Post!

For now just kick back and enjoy a fine bowl o’ what’ere gives you the mellow comfort.

Cereal resources:

The Breakfast Cereal Gourmet by David Hoffman (author of The Easy-Bake Oven Gourmet)
The Breakfast Bowl
Cereal Blogger

P.S. - In researching this post, I learned the sad news that the Mecca of cereal devotees, Cereal City, U.S.A. was recently closed in Battle Creek, Michigan.

February 17, 2007


Well, duh


You Are a Liberal for Life

You've got a bleeding heart - and you're proud of it.

For you, liberal means being compassionate, pro-government, and anti-business.

You believe in equality for every person, and you consider yourself universally empathetic.

Helping others is not just political for you ... it's very personal too.

Gekko had this blogthing up and I'm a sucker for them, especially when I'm not inspired to post (yes, I know I just had a kid but I don't want to cover y'all in a constant stream of mush). I hafta agree w/ Gek, as with most of these things the questions are too general or incomplete in their choices. And the analysis -oy! I am not "anti-business" or "pro-government" - I think they both have TONS of room for improvement. Generally speaking, though, I am a liberal for life if for no other reason (but you know there are) than that I've seen the dark side and walked among the zombies, and I ain't going back. Unless they suck my brains out.

And another thing re political persuasion: I do not believe in equality for every person. That would just be stupid and I'm pretty sure impossible, as would being "universally empathetic." True to form I buck the trend by being much more of an idealist in my advancing age, though I try to maintain a realism about individual responsibility and each person's contribution to society. In simplistic terms: to the welfare unemployed - get a job. To the business owners (and to be fair, their unionized workers) - quit whining about raises in minimum wage and lobby Congress to quit selling you down the river with free trade BS. To the wealthy - bitch about your taxes AFTER you first seek to reduce the size of government, starting with its addiction to special interests that drive us further down the corporate/capitalist hyper-highway, diluting the American Dream mile by mile.

What's Your Political Persuasion?


Labels: ,

February 13, 2007


True or False?

  1. O' Tim has three eyelids.
  2. O' Tim is 1500 years older than the pyramids!
  3. About 100 people choke to death on O' Tim each year.
  4. Only one child in twenty will be born on the day predicted by O' Tim!
  5. O' Tim is the only bird that can swim but not fly.
  6. O' Timocracy is government by O' Tim.
  7. O' Tim is the only king without a moustache on the standard pack of cards.
  8. O' Tim cannot swim.
  9. If you blow out all the candles on O' Tim with one breath, your wish will come true.
  10. O' Tim is worth his weight in gold - literally.

Answers: 1-F 2-F 3-T 4-T 5-T 6-T 7-F 8-F 9-T 10-T

Stolen, inspired and/or variegated from JtT and UV

Labels: , ,

February 12, 2007


Welcome to Earth, little boy


Max Coltrane
Arrival: February 11, 2007
at 9:50 a.m. EST

A Love Supreme for he who tops the list of our favorite things

Update: Max arrived about 6 1/2 weeks early, so he is going to have to stay in the neonatal intensive care unit for a couple more weeks minimum. He is improving steadily, being moved off the critical "front line" in less than 24 hours. All his vital signs are normal and he has taken to feeding quite well. At 5 lbs. 3 oz. birthweight he was actually ahead of the curve gestationally, and the preemy doctor says it's just a matter of time to get him up to a condition suitable for taking him home. We can hardly wait, but we know he's in good hands with an excellent and friendly hospital staff.



February 09, 2007


Brought to you by The Official Hand Sanitizer of the General Assembly

Today's exercise - How many jokes can you make from the following article?
Sanitizer comes in handy for lawmaker

Atlanta Journal-Constitution Thursday, February 8, 2007

The huge bottle of hand sanitizer that permanently sits on state Rep. Martin Scott’s desk is a constant reminder of the health hazard politicians face every day: handshakes.

Handshakes carry germs. And germs can make people sick.

Scott, an ultra-conservative Republican from Rossville, knows that all too well. He got sick with the flu in 2005, when he was a freshman in the Georgia House of Representatives.

“Everybody had it and I tried to avoid it but it got me,” Scott, a business consultant, said of his bout with the flu. “It was the worst I ever had.”

Scott speculated his illness might have come from someone he came in contact with at the State Capitol. Constituents and lobbyists routinely seek handshakes with lawmakers at the Capitol every day.

“I’m the world’s worst. I walk around shaking everybody’s hands,” Scott said.

Once he recovered, Scott returned to his seat in the House of Representatives with his large bottle of Germ-X hand sanitizer. Then he handed out smaller bottles of it to lawmakers sitting around him.

Scott periodically squirts some of the cool, clear liquid into his hands every day the legislature is in session.

“One has to be careful of rubbing shoulders with politicians,” Scott joked. “I would definitely recommend that constituents use Germ-X after shaking hands with their local politicians. I’m probably no exception.”


Labels: , ,

February 06, 2007


Cursed paparazzo !

My assignment at the state Capitol today was interrupted by a hoopladamous* media circus. The four co-stars of Wild Hogs stopped in Atlanta today on a tour which combines film promotion with public service, the former being the typical star attraction of such events and the latter taking advantage of the former to get out a message about motorcycle safety. The movie is about four middle-aged guys who take off across the country on their Harleys. I saw the trailer during the Super Bowl and it looked like it might be pretty funny, what with the four-ply strong comedic cast of John Travolta, Tim Allen, Martin Lawrence and William H. Macy.

It was pretty cheesy in so much as they arrived by motorcade and then got on bikes to roll the last 200 yards to the press conference. All but Lawrence, that is, who for whatever reason came up riding shotgun in the schmancy Governor's Office of Highway Safety Viper (or some such souped up vehicle).

With the Capitol locked down I figured I might as well go be in the right place at the right time, which didn't work out so well at first since my camera malfunctioned just as they approached on the bikes. A quick remedy and I was set to get a few head shots from a decent vantage point on the stairs above the stars and the dignitaries. When they egressed from the scene into the building I got close enough to kiss Macy, which of the four I would prefer for such had I (and of course he) been so inclined. I avoided kissing Travolta as I didn't want Pancake #24 all over my face - yeesh, it was gross. With the throng/entourage I scammed my way past the door cop (apparently I had improper credentials and then apparently he did want to deal with it). I sidled up along Tim Allen but was thwarted from getting a decent photo by a member of their security detail.

The stars were supposed to do a photo shoot with legislators out in the rotunda, but security had fucked up crowd control and put the kaibash on it. I realized this and so went about my merry way while slightly-too-awestruck women waited for the actors outside the guv's office. I learned later that they did indeed slip away through one of the many secret passageways from the Capitol.

I rate the experience as a fun aside (with pics for the grandkids) to an otherwise boring day.


Travolta The Pancake Man

Tim the Tool Man and Revolta

Martin "not quite as handsome or talented as Denzel" Lawrence

Bill, you're the greatest. Don't ever change.


Labels: , , ,

February 05, 2007



...strikes once again against the rootinest, tootinest, pseudo-Democrat this side of the Hooch*

*Chattahoochie Ree-var, fur ya furrners.


Survivor Georgia: Bush gets exiled

First, the good news:
Bush Hits Rock Bottom In Nation's "Reddest" State

A recent InsiderAdvantage / Majority Opinion poll shows 60 percent of Georgians disapprove of President Bush's job performance:

Q. Do you approve or disapprove of the job George W. Bush is doing as President?

Approve: 38%

Disapprove: 60%

Undecided/Don't Know: 2%

Poll conducted Jan 29-31 among 500 registered voters, weighted for age, race, gender and political affiliation. Margin of error: plus or minus 4 percent.

InsiderAdvantage’s Matt Towery: "These are by far the worst numbers we have ever seen for President Bush in Georgia, which has been thought of as the most Republican state in the nation.

"For Bush to be losing the support of this state by such a crushing margin suggests there is evidence that his support among Republicans is becoming softer and softer. If this slide continues, his unpopularity could cripple the GOP nationally in 2008.

On the other foot:
"Oddly enough, approval ratings for Republican Gov. Sonny Perdue and the direction in which Georgia is headed is the exact reverse--with high numbers for the GOP in the Peach State. So, it seems Bush is on an island on his own, one which is on the verge of sinking."

Well at least my imagination can buffer that reality show with visions of a stormy night on Cumberland, with Der Shrub huddling under the pews in that little chapel where JFK Jr. got hitched.


February 01, 2007


What book am I ?

Amazingly accurate for a six-question quiz (No. 8 on my Top 10):

You're A People's History of the United States!
by Howard Zinn

After years of listening to other peoples' lies, you decided you've had enough. Now you're out to tell it like it is, with all the gory details and nothing left out. Instead of respecting leaders, you want to know what the common people have to offer. But this revolution still has a long way to go, and you're not against making a little profit while you wait. Honesty is your best policy.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Obtained via Fair Trade from D-cup
(who recently leased space amongst the Possible Po-jama People - go look at her Politits)

Labels: , , ,


Scam-o-rama, continued and terminated

The proverbial other shoe drops soon enough with our mugu, which is a Nigerian Pidgin term meaning fool. Here in the West mugu is mainly known in the context of these advance fee scams, and until recently applied to mean the mark/scamee. Nigeria has come to be known as the most common point of origin for the scams. West Africa in general is rife with scammers, as ours from Benin is testament. Our adventure continues with this reply from my beloved Steven Moeller:

Thank you my dear
Since your are the secretary to Mr Tim you can as well be involve in the transaction. And I can also understood that you will not come down here to pick up the draft, however I have confirmed from the Director of the Courier Company the cost of the shipping fee of the draft and I was told that the cost of the registration fee is $150 according to him he said that as soon as the money is confirmed that they will deliver the draft to your address within 24hrs So you can send the shipping fee of $150 with this information and the money could be send through via western union






Remember to send the information of the payment as soon, as you made the payment ok
Also your mailing address I mean where to send the draft ok
Call me immediately you send the money or you send me the MTCN NUMBER
Best Regards
Steven Moeller

I have done a quick bit of Googling on these scams, commonly known as 419s in reference to the Nigerian law that prohibits such fraud. Rather effective law, eh? The most interesting thing that I learned is that many people have taken to the fun and challenge of reversing the scams on this rather witless crowd. There is even a pretty good WEBSITE that offers advice and posts copies of some hilarious scam baits.

This particular scammer seems on the unassertive side – rather harmless and probably a lot of fun to string along. But further considering how he has obtained my real name, to preserve safety and sanity I have decided to fight again another day (it's not like I'll never get the chance). Here is how I leave it:

Most beloved brother Steven Moeller Ezebuilo Peter Onochie -

I have learned that my boss is wise to me, and I am now in great danger. There is but one chance for escape that will also preserve the safety of my family, and that is to fake my death (or it will be the real death for certain). I have made my last “withdrawal” from my boss's account – enough to get me out of the country and live cheaply for a few months. HE will “find” evidence of the missing funds with a note from me explaining that my despair has led me to commit suicide by jumping into a tree chipper in front of a large canvas, and the only artist willing to make my final statement part of his work is in Nepal (part of the “evidence” will be a video tape of my cousin Lars actually doing this last year in Alaska. We can only hope he doesn't notice the geographical disconnect).

Unfortunately, Steven Moeller Ezebuilo Peter Onochie, the $1.50 you need for shipment is now essential to my survival efforts, as I cannot leave the U.S.A. without paying the federal export tax on my collection of Spanish Inquisition-era fingernail pullers (who'd have expected that?).

But do not despair my beloved. I have also absconded with documents that will allow me to present myself in Switzerland as my soon-to-be-ex boss's bastard cum laude, and so I will be able to expedite cash from the $1,250,000 draft you hold for him. But it is important to lay low for a time. YOU MUST NOT CONTACT THIS E-MAIL ADDRESS FURTHER ! ! I cannot stress enough the importance of this – it will blow my cover and put my family and YOU, my beloved scamster, in great danger with you-know-who. Trust me when I say HE is not to be trifled with. Why, I once saw him bite off a taxi driver's thumb for clicking the fare meter while still standing in the white zone at JFK. HE offered it back to the man as a tip if he got him to his building fast enough. Poor bastard was dodging traffic trying to grab it from the curb across from the Beresford twenty-five minutes later. Brutal.

Anyway, YOU MUST NOT CONTACT THIS E-MAIL ADDRESS FURTHER ! ! I have your phone number and e-mail tatooed inside my upper lip (such is my faith in you, praise be to St. Gibson) so I will contact you as soon as it is safe. If there is an ABSOLUTE emergency I might be sought in Needle Park (Prague, not Bangkok). Look for the girl with the set of orange piercings in her face (in summer you might check for the white gold ring with the bejewelled skull & crossbones in her clitoris) - she will find me. Oh, and if she tries to get you on her bogus Mexican black tar, tell her to fuck off you want the China White.

Remember to forget this e-mail address – it is not safe! YOU MUST NOT CONTACT THIS E-MAIL ADDRESS FURTHER ! ! If you continue sending here HE will lure you in with the promise of riches for finding me. But it is a trap! HE is no mugu! Run in the opposite general direction, little buckaroo, bobbing and weaving so as not to be hit! Keep total fucking silence! Be a contender, a pitcher and not a belly itcher! YES! God's blessings on your head Steven Moeller Ezebuilo Peter Onochie! Go Dog, GO!

Loving you is easy cuz you're beautiful, bra. Wait for me!

Scarlet (my last day with this name, amen)
YOU MUST NOT CONTACT THIS E-MAIL ADDRESS FURTHER (I mean, we're talkin' a lousy $150 dude, so move along) ! !

As I expected, Steve Swift is not ready to give up. What a maroon! What a gulli-bull! The fact that anyone ever gave money to the likes of someone as this dork is mind ba-ga-LING !

i received your mail and what i want to do is to send me your contact number so that we can discuss it through phone
here is my phone number 0022xxxxxxxxx
call immediately ok
i waiting to hear from you as soon as

I was hoping against hope that he/she/it would catch the drift in Scarlet’s last line above. We wish we could give him more grief, but alas our minds are made up – so Scarlet’s off to Prague for a little dragon chasing.


This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?