December 03, 2007


My asshole is set to be defeated

As we come into the homestretch in The 2007, it seems a nomination for one of my favorite rectal cavities in Joe The Troll’s monthly American Asshole poll is going to fall several lengths short. Joe has typically dug up some great choices to recognize for assholery in the next-to-last month of competition, but I had my marbles on none other than the anything-but-reverend Fred Phelps, 78, the disbarred lawyer, father of thirteen (four estranged, according to liberally-biased Wikipedia) and hate-crusading pastor of the Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kansas.

Phelps and his congregation, the majority of which reportedly consists of his extended family, have made numerous headlines with their disgusting protests at military funerals. These protests are fueled by their claim that “God Almighty” is punishing the U.S. through the Iraq War because, among other things, the country is "a sodomite nation of flag-worshiping idolators." Westboro maintains several websites with names like,, and (along with about six or seven other websites dedicated to specific deity-despised nations).

Phelps makes the AA list at Under The Bridge for the recent $10.9 million judgment against Westboro in a lawsuit filed by the father of Lance Cpl. Matthew A. Snyder. The Marine was killed in Iraq on March 3, 2006 when his transport vehicle overturned. According to the Kansas City Star, “Snyder’s Maryland funeral drew Phelps’ followers and their usual antics, such as flashing placards at the passing motorcade that read, ‘Thank God for dead soldiers’ and ‘Fag Troops’."

If organizing consummately hateful efforts to disrupt the funeral of a 20-year-old soldier, an only son described by his father as "the love of my life" isn't at the very least, as the verdict determined, an “invasion of privacy by intrusion and intentional infliction of emotional distress” upon the Snyder family, I don't know what else could be.

Phelps deserves to owe a debt to them, and hopefully the action will bankrupt the church to the point that their insane hatred is made unobtrusive. Sadly, he may get the check his ass can't cash covered by the First Amendment, which has heretofore allowed him to do all this in the name of his benevolent supreme being, including tirades against Sweden, Ireland, Hillary Clinton and, in what seems to me to be a valiant attempt to prove that he is an equal-opportunity hatemonger, Ronald Reagan, Billy Graham and Jerry Falwell (Westboro cancelled plans to pickett Falwell’s funeral as well as the services for the slain Amish school girls). The guy is pure sunshine, no?

So while the Constitution protects his acts from being technically considered criminal, it does not rescue him and his ilk from moral bankruptcy. I know they would find that laughable, but I will be glad to discuss it at Phelps’ funeral service, should they be foolish enough to schedule one after he croaks. My Day-Glo “Phelps Brand® Fertilizer is GOOD Fertilizer” sign and mega phone stand ready.

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This is why I love the Patriot Rider guys so much. We had a military funeral here a few months back for a local fallen soldier, and representatives from Phelps' disgusting group of slimeballs made an appearance. Fortunately, the Patriot Riders blocked them from being able to get close to the family, but they were there across the street, screaming and waving their hate-filled signs. These people are vermin. No, worse.
Well, I did my bit and voted for Phelps. I saw a documentary on this Westboro Baptist Church lot a few months ago, and the saddest thing was that some of the members showed flashes of independence and genuine empathy towards others, particularly those mixing with normal kids at the local school, but you just know that -unless they escape forever, and soon - these traits will be subsumed into the overall creed of hate and intolerance that they're growing up with.

That is the key word. I hate that they are able to hide behind the first amendment as "religious speech" since most religious speakers do not need to use the grief of a bereaved family as a prop. I don't see why such activity should be protected any more than shouting "Fire" when there is none.
Phelps got my vote. And were I a Samurai in the 1400s, I would slay him with one swipe of my blade.
Oh, and here's the El Diablo.

Thought you'd be entertained by this photoset, too.
Would you do it differently in other centuries, Jefe? :-)
Probably. Samurai in the 1500s were so passé.
Isn't his whole church made up of his kids? That's the saddest part. He keeps finding women to carry his spawn and then destroys the little rugrats.

At least he won't be alone when he finally makes it to hell.
BTW- Speaking of signs for Phelps' eventual funeral, how about "God Hates Phelps", or "Thank God for Dead Phelps?"
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