Much That Is Hidden

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ATLANTA, Georgia (AP)...488 communities wiped from this year's version of the state highway map will be restored, the Georgia Department of Transportation said Wednesday. Read the rest of the story.

A calamity has befallen 488 towns in Georgia. All of them have been wiped off the map - the Official 2006 Georgia Department of Transportation Map, that is. Officials with GDOT said the state map was too cluttered with small towns they call “placeholders.” They wanted to save ink and make the new Georgia map “clearer and less cluttered.” Apparently some focus groups were consulted in the decision-making process (a hallmark of a fair and conscientious bureaucracy), but I have mixed feelings about it.

Walker County in the northwest part of the state lost several of its little communities including Villanow, where the old general store dating back to 1840 is on the National Register of Historic Places (it’s for sale if anyone is interested in a bucolic life as a rural gas hole proprietor). I mean, little placeholders, especially registered ones, deserve respect, right?

On the other hand, Walker County also lost Noble, the unincorporated town that made world headlines in 2002 when more than 300 uncremated bodies were discovered on the grounds of the Tri-State Crematory. Good riddance say the vast majority of nearby residents.

Here is a list of all the ones I think should be reinstated, based on nothing more than it being a cool-sounding name or otherwise rife with southern culture/irony (which to me is at least as valid an argument as wanting to save ink):

Airline

Bemiss

Bill Arp (and the world according to him)

Centerpost

Cloudland

Dewy Rose

Dixie Union (there’s that irony)

Doctortown

Due West

Egypt (Bumfuck, no doubt)

Experiment (why, without chemicals...)

Fairplay

Flintstone (a page right out of history)

Fowlstown

Free Home (with coupon)

Friendship

Hickory Level

Hopeulikit (and who wouldn’t?)

Killarney (I hope to spend Christmas there some day)

Madras

Magnet (a tourist trap)

Mayday

Mountain Hill (which is it?)

Mulberry Grove (evr’body wants to live in a town called Mulberry Grove)

Nacoochee (a popular place in the Pelvic Mountains)

Needmore (near Nacoochee, I’m sure)

New Era

Okefenokee (gotta have a town named after yer most famous swamp)

Ola (que pasa, ecce?)

Pebble City (daughter city of Flintstone)

Phinizy (way out in the countrazizzle)

Poetry Tulip

Snipesville

Retreat (home of the second dessert!)

Rocky Face

Roosterville

Sunsweet

Veazey (Summerti-i-i-ime...)

View (realtors love it)

Waterloo

Wax

Youth

There are several more that I propose for reinstatement on topical grounds:

Any place where a deal could be made with Satan - Byne Crossroads, Jones Crossroads, Murrays Crossroads and (for the aged and downtrodden) Po Biddy Crossroads.

Any place that has a distinct geographical connection to elsewhere: Kansas, Brooklyn, Klondike, Texas, Yonkers.

Any place that was obviously the name of a beloved wife or dog: Jake, Rowena, Rupert, Roscoe, Rover, Matt.

Places that make pot smokers giggle: Hemp, Leaf, Redbud.

And there are six places where I think at least three should be given a chance to stay if victorious in a last man standing town versus town cage match:

Mount Vernon vs. Mount Vernon

New Hope vs. New Hope

Nicholasville vs. Nicholsville

Labels: irony, maps, The South, US Geography for $1200 Alex