February 01, 2007

 

Scam-o-rama, continued and terminated

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The proverbial other shoe drops soon enough with our mugu, which is a Nigerian Pidgin term meaning fool. Here in the West mugu is mainly known in the context of these advance fee scams, and until recently applied to mean the mark/scamee. Nigeria has come to be known as the most common point of origin for the scams. West Africa in general is rife with scammers, as ours from Benin is testament. Our adventure continues with this reply from my beloved Steven Moeller:

Thank you my dear
Since your are the secretary to Mr Tim you can as well be involve in the transaction. And I can also understood that you will not come down here to pick up the draft, however I have confirmed from the Director of the Courier Company the cost of the shipping fee of the draft and I was told that the cost of the registration fee is $150 according to him he said that as soon as the money is confirmed that they will deliver the draft to your address within 24hrs So you can send the shipping fee of $150 with this information and the money could be send through via western union

YOUR NAME SHOULD BE THE SENDER

RECEIVER NAME EZEBUILO PETER ONOCHIE

COUNTRY BENIN REPUBLIC

CITY COTONOU
QUESTION WHO CREATE THE WORLD

ANSWER GOD

Remember to send the information of the payment as soon, as you made the payment ok
Also your mailing address I mean where to send the draft ok
Call me immediately you send the money or you send me the MTCN NUMBER
Best Regards
Steven Moeller

I have done a quick bit of Googling on these scams, commonly known as 419s in reference to the Nigerian law that prohibits such fraud. Rather effective law, eh? The most interesting thing that I learned is that many people have taken to the fun and challenge of reversing the scams on this rather witless crowd. There is even a pretty good WEBSITE that offers advice and posts copies of some hilarious scam baits.

This particular scammer seems on the unassertive side – rather harmless and probably a lot of fun to string along. But further considering how he has obtained my real name, to preserve safety and sanity I have decided to fight again another day (it's not like I'll never get the chance). Here is how I leave it:

Most beloved brother Steven Moeller Ezebuilo Peter Onochie -

I have learned that my boss is wise to me, and I am now in great danger. There is but one chance for escape that will also preserve the safety of my family, and that is to fake my death (or it will be the real death for certain). I have made my last “withdrawal” from my boss's account – enough to get me out of the country and live cheaply for a few months. HE will “find” evidence of the missing funds with a note from me explaining that my despair has led me to commit suicide by jumping into a tree chipper in front of a large canvas, and the only artist willing to make my final statement part of his work is in Nepal (part of the “evidence” will be a video tape of my cousin Lars actually doing this last year in Alaska. We can only hope he doesn't notice the geographical disconnect).

Unfortunately, Steven Moeller Ezebuilo Peter Onochie, the $1.50 you need for shipment is now essential to my survival efforts, as I cannot leave the U.S.A. without paying the federal export tax on my collection of Spanish Inquisition-era fingernail pullers (who'd have expected that?).

But do not despair my beloved. I have also absconded with documents that will allow me to present myself in Switzerland as my soon-to-be-ex boss's bastard cum laude, and so I will be able to expedite cash from the $1,250,000 draft you hold for him. But it is important to lay low for a time. YOU MUST NOT CONTACT THIS E-MAIL ADDRESS FURTHER ! ! I cannot stress enough the importance of this – it will blow my cover and put my family and YOU, my beloved scamster, in great danger with you-know-who. Trust me when I say HE is not to be trifled with. Why, I once saw him bite off a taxi driver's thumb for clicking the fare meter while still standing in the white zone at JFK. HE offered it back to the man as a tip if he got him to his building fast enough. Poor bastard was dodging traffic trying to grab it from the curb across from the Beresford twenty-five minutes later. Brutal.

Anyway, YOU MUST NOT CONTACT THIS E-MAIL ADDRESS FURTHER ! ! I have your phone number and e-mail tatooed inside my upper lip (such is my faith in you, praise be to St. Gibson) so I will contact you as soon as it is safe. If there is an ABSOLUTE emergency I might be sought in Needle Park (Prague, not Bangkok). Look for the girl with the set of orange piercings in her face (in summer you might check for the white gold ring with the bejewelled skull & crossbones in her clitoris) - she will find me. Oh, and if she tries to get you on her bogus Mexican black tar, tell her to fuck off you want the China White.

Remember to forget this e-mail address – it is not safe! YOU MUST NOT CONTACT THIS E-MAIL ADDRESS FURTHER ! ! If you continue sending here HE will lure you in with the promise of riches for finding me. But it is a trap! HE is no mugu! Run in the opposite general direction, little buckaroo, bobbing and weaving so as not to be hit! Keep total fucking silence! Be a contender, a pitcher and not a belly itcher! YES! God's blessings on your head Steven Moeller Ezebuilo Peter Onochie! Go Dog, GO!

Loving you is easy cuz you're beautiful, bra. Wait for me!

Scarlet (my last day with this name, amen)
YOU MUST NOT CONTACT THIS E-MAIL ADDRESS FURTHER (I mean, we're talkin' a lousy $150 dude, so move along) ! !


As I expected, Steve Swift is not ready to give up. What a maroon! What a gulli-bull! The fact that anyone ever gave money to the likes of someone as this dork is mind ba-ga-LING !

i received your mail and what i want to do is to send me your contact number so that we can discuss it through phone
here is my phone number 0022xxxxxxxxx
call immediately ok
i waiting to hear from you as soon as
Steven

I was hoping against hope that he/she/it would catch the drift in Scarlet’s last line above. We wish we could give him more grief, but alas our minds are made up – so Scarlet’s off to Prague for a little dragon chasing.

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Comments:
You should call him. Collect.
 
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