Much That Is Hidden

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Labels: anger, Assholery squared, don't mix, humour, madness, NASCAR, neighbors, rants, rednecks, words

I am inspired by this recent post (and excellent comment thread) from the prolifically and charmingly anecdotal David Rochester. For you non link followers, The Synopsis: DR laments a recent experience at a movie theater, with much focus on some clueless patrons in his proximity and his hesitance to intervene on behalf of his sanity.

Over the years my qualms about public social policing have decreased. I used to be much more reserved when privy to public acts of exceptional ignorance, but I've noticed that since becoming a father I have taken on a much more "you kids get off my lawn" attitude toward dipshittery, especially if it could impact my child. Not long ago I gave an amplified "WTF?!" to a moron lighting up a cigarette as he stood gassing up his car. I had to continue with verbal instruction about what to do with the butt when he gave me look of non-absorption of the very potential hazard.

But I have witnessed with disappointment my wife's decline in rapier caustic chastisement of ignorant/disrespectful fools. She also used to be quite the thorn in the side of unsuspecting managers of restaurants with poor service. She reported that the other day while at the playground with our son, she held her tongue after a young father nearby blew a horrifyingly viscous snot rocket from his nose to the ground.

I told her that depending on said lubricious missile's proximity to my son, or had the offensive projectile landed on equipment surface, I would have been compelled to at most help the fellow recover it with a surface of his clothing opposite to the one I was holding (or possibly his tongue, which he could then hold) or at least said, "Christ on a pogo stick, have a clue, you disgrace to bumpkins everywhere."

And that's the truth. Pthhhhht!

Labels: anecdotes, Assholery squared, curmudgeon, parenthood

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I assume from the cleverly dated heading below that this badly written piece of wingnut fantasy has been mucking up the InnerTubes for at least a couple of weeks. A friend’s client, crossing a line in true rabid wannabe extremist fashion, sent it and she forwarded it for my reaction (it is thus).

Welcome to Toastmasters, June 13, 2033

That's right: 2033.

Yeesh, we've got Judge Smales at the Bushwood Country Club narrating

Today Rick Campbell, one of our senior members at age 87, is here to reminisce a bit and give us a history lesson. He says he is so old that he learned to drive an internal combustion engine car (remember those?) with a manual transmission. He once owned a typewriter. He remembers when bicycles had one speed, phones had two-party lines, and cameras had something called film. As incredible as this may seem, he says that when he was young, it was common for people to smoke in restaurants and public places. He is from a different time; almost a different world. Gee, our old La Salle ran great! It's just 25 freakin' years from now - surely you remember the "evil empire" and "Strategic Defense Initiative?" Or is this Toastmasters club of the future also the Junior High Republicans?

I'm sure all of us are familiar with the tragic events of 2010, so Rick is not going to plow that fertile field again. Instead, he is going to give us a personal look back at the conditions which led up to that fateful year, in a speech titled "2010 Was Not A Good Year To Be President."

"2010 Was Not A Good Year To Be President"… Okay, got it.

Yes, 2010 was long ago and far away. As we look back on history, it appears that some Presidents had an easy ride; times of growth and stability. Teddy Roosevelt, Warren G. Harding and Dwight Eisenhower come to mind. Those were good years to be President. I can't believe you passed on the Bill Clinton "easy ride" pun, dude.

Others were elected just when the country was facing terrible crises: Abraham Lincoln, Woodrow Wilson, Franklin Roosevelt, George W. Bush. They rose to the occasion, even though they were controversial and widely hated while in office. Not such good years to be President. FDR? Perhaps intensely hated by the wealthy but very popular otherwise. And just what crisis was Bush facing when he was elected? The dot.com bubble bursting? Oooohh...

Just prior to 2010, in 2008 yahey, the country began foundering. Began? We were in the sixth year of the Iraqi Occupation excellent choice of words, mon ami and the economy was flat. The mainstream press clearly wanted a Democrat elected. Pffft! What about the PEOPLE?

Although we didn't know it until some years later, oil producing nations had colluded to secretly buy their own oil on the open market, driving oil prices to shocking levels above the true demand price - reaching a high of $162 a barrel in October, 2008, just before the general elections.

Their purpose was simple: to effect a regime change in the United States. The noive! The U.S. economy was already in a real estate slump and also suffering the curse of stagflation; slow growth and high inflation. There were a million home foreclosures. Independent truckers went under by the thousands. Airlines failed. Airlines with names now long-forgotten: United, Delta, Northwest, American. All now merged, of course, into the one lone government-run U.S. carrier. You mean that 25 years later your loan arrangers haven't hi-ho silvered this back into line? For shame! A more realistic scenario for the record: a couple or three of the savvy discount/low overhead carriers end up with most of the marbles. The free market rides again!

Against this backdrop of weariness of the war on terror, and economic distress, the American people were ripe for a demagogue, and they certainly got one in Barack Hussein Obama. He and his running mate, Kathlene Sebelius, inspired them with vague notions of hope and change; of a world in which diplomacy settled all international problems, of free universal health care, of abundant alternative energy, of peace and love. It was a vision too good to resist. "Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keeps the law is happy." Proverbs 29:18 (great sport, whipping some bible out on the wingnuts)

The Republican nominee was a name you probably haven't heard in years: Anyone? Yes, it was John McCain, a Senator from Arizona who had no clue how to run a presidential campaign, Um, seems he did pretty well with that comeback in the primaries and with a platform nearly as liberal as Obama's. Stop it, you're hurting me!

The selection of former Secretary of State, Condoleeza Rice, as his running mate looked brilliant at first. Puleeze Unfortunately, black voters viewed her as white, and women voters viewed her as one of the establishment guys. How could this be?!!

Even so, the McCain/Rice ticket would have won the election if it weren't for the fact that 16 percent of conservatives (mostly Republicans) voted for: (Anyone remember? 2000? Anyone?) That's right, Bob Barr, another name that's a footnote in history... for having the temerity to eschew a lockstep with the two-party system, especially that liberal platform that McCain was touting.

After Obama's narrow win, thanks to four recounts in Broward County , Florida , the liberals were positively giddy. A Democrat House, Senate, and President. At last an end to gridlock in Washington . Camelot had arrived! Let's not go there - it's a silly place!

When Congress convened in January, 2009, the 44th President of the United States did something unique ??? in history: he made good on his campaign promises. Certainly most voters never really thought he was serious during the campaign. But whether because of inexperience, idealism, or simply incompetence, he followed through. ??????

The following three paragraphs are conjecture and bullshit of the mightiest stink - half of it isn't even on Obama's plate and the other half is so off-base it’s laughable.

In Obama's first One Hundred Days, the Congress passed his initiatives; and he signed them into law as he said he would. He repealed the Bush tax cuts, and doubled the capital gains taxes. He enacted a windfall profits tax, and instituted price controls on gasoline and diesel fuel. He passed universal health care, which added an additional 10 percent income tax increase on all working Americans. He signed the Immigrant Amnesty bill which created 12 million new citizens instantly, each with entitlements.

He closed the terrorist detention facility at Guantanamo Bay , and summarily released all the detainees. He repealed the Patriot Act, and cut funding for espionage, and eliminated all terrorist listening and wiretaps. At the same time, he began the complete and immediate withdrawal of all American troops from Iraq .

He ignored the advice of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, [reminiscent of prior presidents LBJ and Carter and Bush II] who wanted to retain bases in Kuwait and Qatar .

Instead, he went with the recommendation of Secretary of Defense Dennis Kucinich, and ordered all troops back to USA soil. Viva DK! Except he would be head of his proposed Department of Peace.

Viola! In One Hundred Days, by May of 2009, it was all done, and the initial vision was completed. He did exactly what he said he would do. And so it was in the summer of 2009 that things began to unravel for Obama. Of course, the economy needed a tax cut, not an increase, and unemployment quickly rose to 12 percent. Even attorneys and economists were put in the bread lines. Hard times ensued.

Price controls on gasoline immediately led to shortages and gas lines. The global cooling trend we have seen for the past 25 years first became obvious in 2009, exposing the CO2 global warming fraud. People were justifiably angry. ["See, I told you so," I said, crack pipe still warm in my hand.]

Federal deficits increased massively because thousands of baby boomers whoa, thousands, eh? This guy is certainly no economist (but I'd be glad to see him on a bread line), facing job loss and much higher taxes, simply gave up and took their social security.

The once superb U.S. health care system was thrown into disarray when the government created the Federal Department of Health care, and the immediate hiring of 250,000 administrators, inspectors and auditors, the only job growth in any sector of the 2009 economy. Could someone help me out here? I was rendered unconscious when my head smacked the keyboard...

By February 2010, the U.S. military withdrawal from Iraq was complete. If only...

Hold on to your seats, kids. More blatant Fear Mongering coming right up! (Cue patriotic music...)

It was a very expensive undertaking. One month later in March, the gradual Shiite insurgencies from Iran turned Iraq into a true Iraqi civil war. In May, Iranian tanks crossed the border and quickly took Baghdad . Although the exact number is not known, at least 230,000 Sunni Iraqis died after we withdrew. You know, it's still plagiarism even if you rip it from your hero's playbook and change just a couple of words

Iran also quickly moved into undefended Kuwait . President Obama did exactly what he said he would. He sent Secretary of State Maria Cantwell note to "Rick Campbell": do not attempt fantasy baseball before your 87th birthday. Do not attempt actual politics before then, either to Tehran to meet with Iranian President Ahmadinejad. After two weeks of high level talks, the United States agreed to allow Iran to retain Iraq and Kuwait to create stability in the Middle East, with the understanding that Israel would not be disturbed. Cantwell returned to Washington , and explained the agreement in her famous speech, in which she proudly noted that the Obama administration had finally achieved "peace in our time" in the Middle East .

So there was some surprise by the Administration at the rocket attacks on Tel Aviv on August 14th. President Obama said, "This is not the Mahmoud Ahmadinejad I knew." The Obama Administration decided it would be de-stabilizing to take sides in the conflict, and approximately 29,000 Israeli civilians died during that summer and fall.

American Jews were appalled at the inaction. Yes, in 2010 most American Jews were still Democrats; but because of 2010, they are solid Republicans today, [obediently accepting their lot to be slaughtered like goats at Armageddon.]

As awkward as it was, everything might have turned out all right for the Obama Administration going into the fall mid-term elections of 2010, if it hadn't been for the dirty bomb explosion in the Port of Long Beach. The Obama Administration had cut funding for the inspection of containers ...even more than Bush? Maybe he should have brought Ports of Dubai back in... because they felt it showed a "lack of trust" in the international trading community. It wasn't a large nuclear device. But nonetheless it contaminated [a bunch of crap from China and] some expensive real estate - Newport Beach , Palos Verdes - and ultimately caused the death of 14,000 Americans [evacuated to FEMA trailers]. People were especially annoyed that Disneyland had to be closed for decontamination. Oh, the humanity!

And so, in the midterm elections, conservative Republicans regained control of both the House and Senate, and the rest is history. Considering the previous 1,431 words we can only hope so

The impeachment proceedings against President Obama for "failure to protect and defend" were swift and nearly unanimous. Once again, the GOP shows the Dems how to git 'er done! Vice President Sibelius resigned. Newly-elected Speaker of the House, J.C. Watts, became the 45th President of the United States . Excuse me - SNORT!

But you know the rest of the story well. Elected conservatives finished the war on Islamic fundamentalists, largely by aiming ICBM's at Mecca and Medina. That'll learn 'em! No Democrat has been elected President since Obama. See video below

Conservatives have held both Houses of Congress. Correct history of Western Civilization and Economics are now taught in all public schools, and in English only. Marriage is defined as one man and one woman. And there are border fences, north and south Marvelous - our transformation into a continental version of East Berlin is complete

We old codgers remember the ancient Confucian curse: "May you live in interesting times." Well, 2010 was an interesting year, but it was not a good year to be President.

Same as 2008, where certain morons think that a fantastic, simplistic reiteration of a "speech" given 25 years from now creatively and accurately provides insight to where America is/ought to be heading.

This kind of shit is what tends to make me disappointed in Obama's "hands across the aisle/purple state America" vision (which in my humble opinion is too far right), because I have a hard time believing these people will ever take their heads out of their asses no matter how much you foist reason upon them.

For You, “Rick”:

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Labels: analysis, Assholery squared, Bush, fiction, humour, Kucinich, Lies and Lying Liars, Obama, politix

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As we come into the homestretch in The 2007, it seems a nomination for one of my favorite rectal cavities in Joe The Troll’s monthly American Asshole poll is going to fall several lengths short. Joe has typically dug up some great choices to recognize for assholery in the next-to-last month of competition, but I had my marbles on none other than the anything-but-reverend Fred Phelps, 78, the disbarred lawyer, father of thirteen (four estranged, according to liberally-biased Wikipedia) and hate-crusading pastor of the Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kansas.

Phelps and his congregation, the majority of which reportedly consists of his extended family, have made numerous headlines with their disgusting protests at military funerals. These protests are fueled by their claim that “God Almighty” is punishing the U.S. through the Iraq War because, among other things, the country is "a sodomite nation of flag-worshiping idolators." Westboro maintains several websites with names like www.godhatesfags.com, www.smellthebrimstone.com, and www.godhatesmexico.com (along with about six or seven other websites dedicated to specific deity-despised nations).

Phelps makes the AA list at Under The Bridge for the recent $10.9 million judgment against Westboro in a lawsuit filed by the father of Lance Cpl. Matthew A. Snyder. The Marine was killed in Iraq on March 3, 2006 when his transport vehicle overturned. According to the Kansas City Star, “Snyder’s Maryland funeral drew Phelps’ followers and their usual antics, such as flashing placards at the passing motorcade that read, ‘Thank God for dead soldiers’ and ‘Fag Troops’."

If organizing consummately hateful efforts to disrupt the funeral of a 20-year-old soldier, an only son described by his father as "the love of my life" isn't at the very least, as the verdict determined, an “invasion of privacy by intrusion and intentional infliction of emotional distress” upon the Snyder family, I don't know what else could be.

Phelps deserves to owe a debt to them, and hopefully the action will bankrupt the church to the point that their insane hatred is made unobtrusive. Sadly, he may get the check his ass can't cash covered by the First Amendment, which has heretofore allowed him to do all this in the name of his benevolent supreme being, including tirades against Sweden, Ireland, Hillary Clinton and, in what seems to me to be a valiant attempt to prove that he is an equal-opportunity hatemonger, Ronald Reagan, Billy Graham and Jerry Falwell (Westboro cancelled plans to pickett Falwell’s funeral as well as the services for the slain Amish school girls). The guy is pure sunshine, no?

So while the Constitution protects his acts from being technically considered criminal, it does not rescue him and his ilk from moral bankruptcy. I know they would find that laughable, but I will be glad to discuss it at Phelps’ funeral service, should they be foolish enough to schedule one after he croaks. My Day-Glo “Phelps Brand® Fertilizer is GOOD Fertilizer” sign and mega phone stand ready.
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Labels: Assholery squared, Holy Crap, rants, religion, vitriol

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I received a blanket e-mail via my company's mailroom address with the subject line, "RE: CHRISTMAS STAMP What The Heck is The Matter with this Country??" Here is the message (verbatim):

I would guess that the 'Postal Chief 'must be Muslim too. I won't buy his stamp either....."And have a very 'MERRY CHRISTMAS"

Infuriating. It is true, I checked snopes.com.

CHRISTMAS STAMP

How ironic is this??!! They don't even believe in Christ and they're getting their own Christmas stamp, but don't dream of posting the ten commandments on federal property?



This one is impossible to believe. Scroll down for the text.

If there is only one thing you forward today.....let it be this!

REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of Pan Am Flight 103!

REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of the World Trade Center in 1993!

REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of the Marine Barracks in Lebanon!

REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of the military Barracks in Saudi Arabia!

REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of the American Embassies in Africa!

REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of the USS COLE!

REMEMBER the MUSLIM attack on 9/11/2001!

REMEMBER all the AMERICAN lives that were lost in those vicious MUSLIM attacks!

Now the United States Postal Service REMEMBERS and HONORS the EID MUSLIM holiday season with a commemorative first class
Holiday postage stamp. Bull!

REMEMBER to adamantly and vocally BOYCOTT this stamp
When purchasing your stamps at the post office. To use this stamp would be a slap in the face to all those AMERICANS who died at the hands of those whom this stamp honors.

REMEMBER to pass this along to every patriotic AMERICAN you know!!!

The myriad wrongness here is astounding. Just taking on the most obvious point, one of our editors was enterprising enough to "Reply to All" with this clarification: "This is NOT a Christmas stamp. It marks the end of Ramadan, a Muslim holiday."

To which I, being much less of a neck sticker-outer, replied only to him: "Thank you sincerely for clarifying that for everyone that got spammed by this, Ralph [not his real name - I don't stick other people's necks out either - ed]. Perhaps there is a need to also clarify (or determine) company policy regarding unsolicited e-mails, no?"

To which Ralph [ibid] replied, this time just to me, "You wouldn't believe some of the stupid emails I got in response."

ME: "I probably would, but if you are of a mind to paraphrase, I give you my ear (eyes)."

I will update this post should Ralph forward any of the aforementioned stupidity upon me. And to bring all my readers up to speed, here be further clarification from amaana.org, a personal Shia Muslim's website (which appropriately points out in its disclaimer, "Allah says in the Quran 'Do not revile the faith of others as they may revile Allah in return"):

For the last 1400 years, over one billion Muslims throughout the world pay special attention to the esoteric (batin) matters by practising the exoteric (zaher) fasting by refraining from dishonesty, stealing, unethical actions, and other activities that would lead one astray. A Momin's (believer's) life is a journey to become one with the Essence and her daily life is a mirror of her spiritual beauty.

During Ramadan, Muslims fast from sun-up to sun-down daily, not having anything to eat, drink, smoke or indulging in sexual relations. A special feast is prepared for the breaking of the fast, where everyone present is invited to partake of the dinner after the all-day fast.

The month ends with special festivities on the Eid al-Fitr (Day of Feasting) celebration when families and friends truly rejoice for having completed the commandment of Allah by successful abstinence and by zikr (remembrance of Allah) at all times.

So now let's talk about The FEAR. The FEAR has been around a looong time, as evidenced by the ostensibly holy scripture commonly known as The Old Testament and the first book therein (paraphrased here):

Abraham said, "The fear of God ain't in this place, and they would be a-slayin' me most fersuredly."

The FEAR is no mere emotion, as is often assumed, nor are her siblings The DOGMA, The HATE, The IGNORANCE, The SCHADENFREUDE, The XENOPHOBIA and Anorexia (who has pretty much split out on her own because she is so not into the encumbrances of a definite article and all caps). The FEAR is well known among historians and especially sociologists who have researched the use of verbal influences on mental collectives. The FEAR camps near every pulpit nearly every sabbath, imbuing her self-righteous Way To Be upon the malleable masses who come to love her "enlightenment."

America is rife with The FEAR, and in recent years she has strengthened her grip outside the traditional religious territory. She's there in the media ("We now go to Ted in the newsroom, who has a report about something totally new that can screw up your life, and will just leave it at that") and of course politics, never more evident than this campaign season, where the Republicans are hot on the twisted version of FDR's adage, "We have nothing to lose but fear itself."

Yes, The FEAR has power. The FEAR is a master of divide and conquer. The FEAR got George W. Bush elected in 2004. In a vicious circle of voting block influence, The FEAR has Congress paralyzed from protecting civil liberties (oh how The FEAR hates civil liberties) and doing the decidedly un-fearful majority voter's bidding.

And now The FEAR, in a genius move that reveals the depth of her bag of tricks, has folks worrying about postage stamps. As a strong believer in Thomas Jefferson's apocryphal Wall of Separation, I can't say I'm all tickled about any religious stamp being produced in government-run facilities. But the USPS is it's own strange gig in the bureaucratic U.S. of A., and I guess if they can sponsor a bike team then they have sort of grandfathered in their right to do whatever the hell they please. Like any retail business, the bulk of their profits comes during the winter Saturnalia frenzy, so I wish them gods peed luck <-- derived from Lucifer, BTW <-- in their endeavors to prosper.

What's bothering me is this endless parade of The FEAR among people who supposedly have an all-powerful savior who, through some sanguineous transubstantiation, is supposed to have their back. C'mon, Christians! Jesus Up for Christ's sake! If you don't want to vote for a Muslim, fine. But don't characterize ONE man's victory to the House of Representatives as some pre-apocalyptic abomination that justifies questioning his qualifications. Along the same lines, it's a fucking postage stamp, OK? You (nor I, for that matter) are compelled to buy it because it doesn't appeal or apply to us. End of story, not beginning of boycott. And ohmylord the Postal Chief [sic] is a Muslim? That's gotta be one of the seals cracking open, surely.

"What The Heck is The Matter with this Country?"

Indeed.
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Labels: Assholery squared, don't mix, Holy Crap, politix, rants, religion, The FEAR, TJ