March 20, 2007


Itth a regulur fethtival !

Alles klar, Herr Kommissar? The second round of the 2007 Movie Madness tourneemint was far from a snore, folks, despite the fact that nearly 75 percent of the matches saw the favorites advance. Is that enough to keep the natives calm? Freak no! We’re talkin’ bonafide MADness here, I mean piss-vinegar cocktails heretofore unmixed! “What is it with men and the freaking Godfather?” Nobody in particular piped up after seeing the Kurosawa’s No. 5 seed GFII give No. 4 Schindler’s List the ultimate kiss off. “And I'll need a defense other than ‘I have a penis, it's in its contract,’” Whoooo, saucy stuff. But for all his power, the Kosinator quickly deferred in the face of the Corleones. “You wanna be the one to piss off Vito and Michael? Not me, kiddo. Let 'em fight it out amongst themselves,” was his rather dickless reply.

The rukus of the after party at Boiled Dinner was by far the triumph of the Kurosawa’s sixth-seed Star Wars over No. 3 Wizard of Oz. Immediately after the game, Joe the Troll mused from beneath his upper mezzanine hideout about Star Wars’ success. “I like the film, but it’s fluffy fluffness,” the Troll said. “It may be why we see far more ‘special effects/action sequences’ films than we do films with real character and plot development.”

Fluff or no, the Oz empire could not muster up enough heart, courage or flying monkey shenanigans to take down Wars’ behemoth center Chewbacca, who was hittin’em from the outside all...freakin’...night, baby! It was enough to make the often stoic Kos wax nostalgic. “There isn't a boy who's seen SW that doesn't pick up every stick he finds and say it's a light saber,” he said wiping a few tears away at the buzzer. What a dork.

Debate was all but non-existent regarding the night’s biggest upset, where Atticus Finch and the No. 7 To Kill A Mockingbird crew put the kaibash on humor in the Kurosawa by flunking the popular The Graduate. The Commish earlier noted that TKAM has been picked by three in the tourney to grab all the marbles, which may explain the underdog film’s tacit advance. More than likely it was Benjamin Braddock’s hapless indecision that cost Graduate the game. “He lacked focus all night,” said head coach and two-time Landlord of the Year Norman “Mr. McCleery-Roper” Fell. “The kid just kept muttering shit about plastics and how he wanted his future to be different.”

In the Bergman, dark comedy’s great white hope stayed alive in the person of the irrepressible (if straitjacketable) Randall Patrick McMurphy. The Cuckoo’s squad laid down some wicked medication time on the Marx Bros. and Duck Soup, with hustle, poise and Juicy Fruit. Nobody does an ending like Cuckoo’s Nest. Nuf said.

Ranked sixth in the Godard, Psycho continued its rampage with an upset over Singin’ In The Rain. “Good film, but who the fuck wants a musical in the regionals?” said team proprietor Norman “Mama’s Got Your Ball” Bates.

Well, at least one person. The match brought forth some introspection from Brad of Stab Film fame. “Singin’ makes fun of itself and the genre it is a part of, but also takes every formula, staple, and stereotype very seriously, elevating itself above the typical musical at the time,” he said, delighting and awing a group of pointy-headed cinemaphiles in the corner at Boiled Dinner. Still, he had to give Hitchcock mad props (ooh, sorry). “I wish I could have seen Psycho for the first time in 1960. I wouldn't have slept for days,” said Brad, whose underdogs are licking wounds after dropping from second to fifth overall from a diminished second round of picks. Still, Brad has his most important hound, Mockingbird, still in this hunt, and at just five points back of leaders Looney and O’Tim The Magnificent, he hasn’t got a prayer.

REGIONALS WATCH: Of course the big ratings will likely go to the two Godfathers dukeing it out at Ang Lee Gym. Star Wars v. Mockingbird determines who goes on to meet either Corleone in the Kurosawa title match, and both seem to have big crowds rooting for them.

In the Bergman it’s going to be 3 v. 2 slugfest ‘tween L.A. hoods Chinatown and Sunset Boulevard. Latest line: pick ‘em, but uh, careful with that close-up, eh, kitty cat? Four-gap underdog Cuckoo’s Nest meets perennial list-topper Casablanca at Rossalini Arena (say that five times fast) for the Bergman north title, and the books are not cutting Bogey any slack, with the line currently mute. Who knows what evil lurks in the heart of Kos?

Godard’s big matchup is Citizen Kane v. It’s A Wonderful Life, no scurvy spider there at the Belmondo. Kane better stay sharp, or they’ll vote with Potter, mark this reporter’s words. Psycho has to clash with juggernaut and favorite Brando in On The Waterfront, which shows no sign of being less than a contender for the semifinals.

The Fellini has got its 3 v. 2 game in The African Queen taking on Lawrence Of Arabia in a no prisoners clash of the titans. It’s Hepburn’s last chance, but Bogey still has Paris. In the north title game Gone With The Wind takes on first-time underdog Jake La Motta the Raging Bull, and mixed feelings abound on the Vegas line. Many are taking the points and Bull, while the traditional swooners stick with the Civil War classic.


Huh. I had no idea Mockingbird was an upset. I must be blinded with my eternal and undying love for Gregory Peck, which is outmatched only by my eternal and undying love for Jimmy Stewart.

This one was great. My favorite lines: at just five points back of leaders Looney and O’Tim The Magnificent, he hasn’t got a prayer. and Norman “Mama’s Got Your Ball” Bates

I think next year Kos should do performances. Like Anthony Perkins' Norman Bates vs. Anthony Hopkins' Hannibal Lechter, and Val Kilmer's Doc Holliday vs. Clint Eastwood's Josey Wales.
"rather dickless reply"
"What a dork."

You're treading on thin-ice, kid. You're good, I'll give you that, but your press pass is still revocable. Remember that the next time you write about the commissioner.
C'mon Koster, do I hafta put a smiley on everything?! Hey, I'm edgy, capiche? I'm here to give analysis not sing Moon River. In fact, I think you should double my pay!
This was freaking hilarious! I am so screwed with 2001 and Fargo. Boo hoo.
Too funny :-) I had a good round, but next time, as a round leader, I need a kewl moniker too, like, Looney the Inebriated, or somesuch :-)
"Val Kilmer's Doc Holliday vs. Clint Eastwood's Josey Wales. "

No contest there at all. Kilmer played Doc, as Slim Pickens would say, like a "Kansas City faggot." Now, Kirk Douglas' Doc Holliday might give Clint some competition.

Great write up, O'Tim!
Great commentary! All except the part where I have no chance. If there was ONE Citizen Kane above me for the win, I would be worried, but right now, I think I may have a good chance for at least being in the championship. See you there, O'Tim!
No contest there at all. Kilmer played Doc, as Slim Pickens would say, like a "Kansas City faggot."

I thought Kilmer's performance in Tombstone was nothing short of brilliant. I'm not saying Atticus Finch level, but really really shiny acting nonetheless. And that's not easy to do in a movie that's otherwise pat and mediocre. I'd put it in my top, I dunno, maybe 25 favorite performances ever.
"do I hafta put a smiley on everything?!"

Only if I hafta put a smiley after my comments to you!

:-) :-) :-) :-)
Kilmer was the only reason to watch Tombstone. That was an awesome performance.

I'm your Huckleberry.
I think Jen's idea is capital.

And Joe, enough with the Kirk v. Picard stuff*!

Gunfight At The OK Corral is a great classic western, but not so much accurate to actual events. Douglas' Doc, through no fault of his own, seems the product of Hollywood marketing of tough-guy roles (and shit, who better than Kirk Douglas?). I agree with Kos - Tombstone was fairly lame save for Kilmer. This is cool - we're talking about movies that aren't even part of the MADNESS!

* Truly, it'd be fun to consider matchups based on butt-kicking attributes, especially the same actor - Kate Hepburn's Eleanor of Aquitaine versus her Pat Pemberton?
I saw about half of Tombstone and turned it off in disgust. Sheer, unadulterated disgust. Victor Mature's Doc was even better than that crap.

If historical accuracy is what you're after, you can toss out every version of the story, and the Wyatt Earp TV series to boot. In fact, historians aren't even sure what the real story is. According to a show I saw recently on THC, many think that the Clantons may have been ambushed and massacred, and that they weren't the bad guys that history has made them.

I haven't really liked any Val Kilmer performance that I've seen since his debut in Top Secret. As a fan of the old "Saint" movies and TV show, I'm afraid to see his version.
"Hey, I'm edgy, capiche?" If you use the word, capiche, you ain't edgy. Edgy would be, "underfuckinstand me, man?" (pardon the French). ;) (I'm not even near being edgy.)
LOL, Nat!
Hey, "capiche" is film noir edgy, not The Shining edgy.

Underfuckinstand - sounds like some whacked central Asian country with a totalitarian regime.

According to a show I saw recently on THC...

I recommend watching it when your not under the influence ;)
Dude, you better get on your Round 3 analysis because Round 4 (the Final Four!) is going up in a few hours.
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