July 01, 2008

 

2010 Was Not A Good Year To Be President – A Response

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I assume from the cleverly dated heading below that this badly written piece of wingnut fantasy has been mucking up the InnerTubes for at least a couple of weeks. A friend’s client, crossing a line in true rabid wannabe extremist fashion, sent it and she forwarded it for my reaction (it is thus).

Welcome to Toastmasters, June 13, 2033

That's right: 2033.

Yeesh, we've got Judge Smales at the Bushwood Country Club narrating


Today Rick Campbell, one of our senior members at age 87, is here to reminisce a bit and give us a history lesson. He says he is so old that he learned to drive an internal combustion engine car (remember those?) with a manual transmission. He once owned a typewriter. He remembers when bicycles had one speed, phones had two-party lines, and cameras had something called film. As incredible as this may seem, he says that when he was young, it was common for people to smoke in restaurants and public places. He is from a different time; almost a different world. Gee, our old
La Salle ran great! It's just 25 freakin' years from now - surely you remember the "evil empire" and "Strategic Defense Initiative?" Or is this Toastmasters club of the future also the Junior High Republicans?

I'm sure all of us are familiar with the tragic events of 2010, so Rick is not going to plow that fertile field again. Instead, he is going to give us a personal look back at the conditions which led up to that fateful year, in a speech titled "2010 Was Not A Good Year To Be President."

"2010 Was Not A Good Year To Be President"… Okay, got it.

Yes, 2010 was long ago and far away. As we look back on history, it appears that some Presidents had an easy ride; times of growth and stability. Teddy Roosevelt, Warren G. Harding and Dwight Eisenhower come to mind. Those were good years to be President. I can't believe you passed on the Bill Clinton "easy ride" pun, dude.

Others were elected just when the country was facing terrible crises: Abraham Lincoln, Woodrow Wilson, Franklin Roosevelt, George W. Bush. They rose to the occasion, even though they were controversial and widely hated while in office. Not such good years to be President. FDR? Perhaps intensely hated by the wealthy but very popular otherwise. And just what crisis was Bush facing when he was elected? The dot.com bubble bursting? Oooohh...

Just prior to 2010, in 2008 yahey, the country began foundering. Began? We were in the sixth year of the Iraqi Occupation excellent choice of words, mon ami and the economy was flat. The mainstream press clearly wanted a Democrat elected. Pffft! What about the PEOPLE?

Although we didn't know it until some years later, oil producing nations had colluded to secretly buy their own oil on the open market, driving oil prices to shocking levels above the true demand price - reaching a high of $162 a barrel in October, 2008, just before the general elections.

Their purpose was simple: to effect a regime change in the United States. The noive! The U.S. economy was already in a real estate slump and also suffering the curse of stagflation; slow growth and high inflation. There were a million home foreclosures. Independent truckers went under by the thousands. Airlines failed. Airlines with names now long-forgotten: United, Delta, Northwest, American. All now merged, of course, into the one lone government-run U.S. carrier. You mean that 25 years later your loan arrangers haven't hi-ho silvered this back into line? For shame! A more realistic scenario for the record: a couple or three of the savvy discount/low overhead carriers end up with most of the marbles. The free market rides again!

Against this backdrop of weariness of the war on terror, and economic distress, the American people were ripe for a demagogue, and they certainly got one in Barack Hussein Obama. He and his running mate, Kathlene Sebelius, inspired them with vague notions of hope and change; of a world in which diplomacy settled all international problems, of free universal health care, of abundant alternative energy, of peace and love. It was a vision too good to resist. "Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keeps the law is happy." Proverbs 29:18 (great sport, whipping some bible out on the wingnuts)

The Republican nominee was a name you probably haven't heard in years: Anyone? Yes, it was John McCain, a Senator from Arizona who had no clue how to run a presidential campaign, Um, seems he did pretty well with that comeback in the primaries and with a platform nearly as liberal as Obama's. Stop it, you're hurting me!

The selection of former Secretary of State, Condoleeza Rice, as his running mate looked brilliant at first. Puleeze Unfortunately, black voters viewed her as white, and women voters viewed her as one of the establishment guys. How could this be?!!

Even so, the McCain/Rice ticket would have won the election if it weren't for the fact that 16 percent of conservatives (mostly Republicans) voted for: (Anyone remember? 2000? Anyone?) That's right, Bob Barr, another name that's a footnote in history... for having the temerity to eschew a lockstep with the two-party system, especially that liberal platform that McCain was touting.

After Obama's narrow win, thanks to four recounts in Broward County , Florida , the liberals were positively giddy. A Democrat House, Senate, and President. At last an end to gridlock in Washington . Camelot had arrived! Let's not go there - it's a silly place!

When Congress convened in January, 2009, the 44th President of the United States did something unique ??? in history: he made good on his campaign promises. Certainly most voters never really thought he was serious during the campaign. But whether because of inexperience, idealism, or simply incompetence, he followed through. ??????

The following three paragraphs are conjecture and bullshit of the mightiest stink - half of it isn't even on Obama's plate and the other half is so off-base it’s laughable.

In Obama's first One Hundred Days, the Congress passed his initiatives; and he signed them into law as he said he would. He repealed the Bush tax cuts, and doubled the capital gains taxes. He enacted a windfall profits tax, and instituted price controls on gasoline and diesel fuel. He passed universal health care, which added an additional 10 percent income tax increase on all working Americans. He signed the Immigrant Amnesty bill which created 12 million new citizens instantly, each with entitlements.

He closed the terrorist detention facility at Guantanamo Bay , and summarily released all the detainees. He repealed the Patriot Act, and cut funding for espionage, and eliminated all terrorist listening and wiretaps. At the same time, he began the complete and immediate withdrawal of all American troops from Iraq .

He ignored the advice of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, [reminiscent of prior presidents LBJ and Carter and Bush II] who wanted to retain bases in Kuwait and Qatar .

Instead, he went with the recommendation of Secretary of Defense Dennis Kucinich, and ordered all troops back to USA soil. Viva DK! Except he would be head of his proposed Department of Peace.

Viola! In One Hundred Days, by May of 2009, it was all done, and the initial vision was completed. He did exactly what he said he would do. And so it was in the summer of 2009 that things began to unravel for Obama. Of course, the economy needed a tax cut, not an increase, and unemployment quickly rose to 12 percent. Even attorneys and economists were put in the bread lines. Hard times ensued.

Price controls on gasoline immediately led to shortages and gas lines. The global cooling trend we have seen for the past 25 years first became obvious in 2009, exposing the CO2 global warming fraud. People were justifiably angry. ["See, I told you so," I said, crack pipe still warm in my hand.]

Federal deficits increased massively because thousands of baby boomers whoa, thousands, eh? This guy is certainly no economist (but I'd be glad to see him on a bread line), facing job loss and much higher taxes, simply gave up and took their social security.

The once superb
U.S. health care system was thrown into disarray when the government created the Federal Department of Health care, and the immediate hiring of 250,000 administrators, inspectors and auditors, the only job growth in any sector of the 2009 economy. Could someone help me out here? I was rendered unconscious when my head smacked the keyboard...

By February 2010, the
U.S. military withdrawal from Iraq was complete. If only...

Hold on to your seats, kids. More blatant Fear Mongering coming right up! (Cue patriotic music...)

It was a very expensive undertaking. One month later in March, the gradual Shiite insurgencies from Iran turned Iraq into a true Iraqi civil war. In May, Iranian tanks crossed the border and quickly took Baghdad . Although the exact number is not known, at least 230,000 Sunni Iraqis died after we withdrew. You know, it's still plagiarism even if you rip it from your hero's playbook and change just a couple of words

Iran also quickly moved into undefended Kuwait . President Obama did exactly what he said he would. He sent Secretary of State Maria Cantwell note to "Rick Campbell": do not attempt fantasy baseball before your 87th birthday. Do not attempt actual politics before then, either to Tehran to meet with Iranian President Ahmadinejad. After two weeks of high level talks, the United States agreed to allow Iran to retain Iraq and Kuwait to create stability in the Middle East, with the understanding that Israel would not be disturbed. Cantwell returned to Washington , and explained the agreement in her famous speech, in which she proudly noted that the Obama administration had finally achieved "peace in our time" in the Middle East .

So there was some surprise by the Administration at the rocket attacks on Tel Aviv on August 14th. President Obama said, "This is not the Mahmoud Ahmadinejad I knew." The Obama Administration decided it would be de-stabilizing to take sides in the conflict, and approximately 29,000 Israeli civilians died during that summer and fall.

American Jews were appalled at the inaction. Yes, in 2010 most American Jews were still Democrats; but because of 2010, they are solid Republicans today, [obediently accepting their lot to be slaughtered like goats at Armageddon.]

As awkward as it was, everything might have turned out all right for the Obama Administration going into the fall mid-term elections of 2010, if it hadn't been for the dirty bomb explosion in the Port of Long Beach. The Obama Administration had cut funding for the inspection of containers ...even more than Bush? Maybe he should have brought Ports of Dubai back in... because they felt it showed a "lack of trust" in the international trading community. It wasn't a large nuclear device. But nonetheless it contaminated [a bunch of crap from China and] some expensive real estate - Newport Beach , Palos Verdes - and ultimately caused the death of 14,000 Americans [evacuated to FEMA trailers]. People were especially annoyed that Disneyland had to be closed for decontamination. Oh, the humanity!

And so, in the midterm elections, conservative Republicans regained control of both the House and Senate, and the rest is history. Considering the previous 1,431 words we can only hope so

The impeachment proceedings against President Obama for "failure to protect and defend" were swift and nearly unanimous. Once again, the GOP shows the Dems how to git 'er done! Vice President Sibelius resigned. Newly-elected Speaker of the House, J.C. Watts, became the 45th President of the United States . Excuse me - SNORT!

But you know the rest of the story well. Elected conservatives finished the war on Islamic fundamentalists, largely by aiming ICBM's at Mecca and Medina. That'll learn 'em! No Democrat has been elected President since Obama. See video below

Conservatives have held both Houses of Congress. Correct history of Western Civilization and Economics are now taught in all public schools, and in English only. Marriage is defined as one man and one woman. And there are border fences, north and south Marvelous - our transformation into a continental version of East Berlin is complete

We old codgers remember the ancient Confucian curse: "May you live in interesting times." Well, 2010 was an interesting year, but it was not a good year to be President.

Same as 2008, where certain morons think that a fantastic, simplistic reiteration of a "speech" given 25 years from now creatively and accurately provides insight to where America is/ought to be heading.

This kind of shit is what tends to make me disappointed in Obama's "hands across the aisle/purple state America" vision (which in my humble opinion is too far right), because I have a hard time believing these people will ever take their heads out of their asses no matter how much you foist reason upon them.

For You, “Rick”:



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Comments:
It's true both that this was a badly written and shallow bit of fiction and that Obama's initial positions would be disastrous if followed through on. Fortunately, Obama is a politician just like every other, and possibly almost as weak a manager as GWB, so he will be drawn, already is being drawn, to the center and defense of the status quo. I say fortunately because swift change always fucks things up. He won't pull us out of Iraq any sooner than McCain would, i.e. until the place is ready for it -- or maybe I'm just an optimist. It'll piss me off if he gets the tax cuts repealed and especially if he screws round with capital gains rates but what the hell, Bush didn't understand economics either.
 
Politics is all about compromise, O'Tim. You gotta give up something to get something that you want even more. If we ever had a far left candidate I'd be the last one voting for him, same with a far right candidate. Time to grow up and look at the world for what it is, and not some fantasy that we want it to be.
 
Don, I agree about swift change (Patriot Act, anyone?), Obama and the status quo/his similarities to McCain. It's once again Giant Douche vs. Shit Sandwich. Taxes? It irks me to see the tippy-top percentage of the tax table get the most benefit, but I confess that more than once in my life I have received trickle-down benefits. Generally I think we should tax pollution and energy consumption more and labor and capital less.

Tim - I was bored and mostly having fun with this, but I stand by my general disdain for compromise. To me it is more honorable for a politician to push the envelope as far as they can get it in anticipation of the snap-back and hope it lands well into their opponent's court. I battle a case of the pragmatics every now and then, but ye shant quench my idealism, Cap'n!
 
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