February 02, 2009


Don't let the dipshits bring you down

I am inspired by this recent post (and excellent comment thread) from the prolifically and charmingly anecdotal David Rochester. For you non link followers, The Synopsis: DR laments a recent experience at a movie theater, with much focus on some clueless patrons in his proximity and his hesitance to intervene on behalf of his sanity.

Over the years my qualms about public social policing have decreased. I used to be much more reserved when privy to public acts of exceptional ignorance, but I've noticed that since becoming a father I have taken on a much more "you kids get off my lawn" attitude toward dipshittery, especially if it could impact my child. Not long ago I gave an amplified "WTF?!" to a moron lighting up a cigarette as he stood gassing up his car. I had to continue with verbal instruction about what to do with the butt when he gave me look of non-absorption of the very potential hazard.

But I have witnessed with disappointment my wife's decline in rapier caustic chastisement of ignorant/disrespectful fools. She also used to be quite the thorn in the side of unsuspecting managers of restaurants with poor service. She reported that the other day while at the playground with our son, she held her tongue after a young father nearby blew a horrifyingly viscous snot rocket from his nose to the ground.

I told her that depending on said lubricious missile's proximity to my son, or had the offensive projectile landed on equipment surface, I would have been compelled to at most help the fellow recover it with a surface of his clothing opposite to the one I was holding (or possibly his tongue, which he could then hold) or at least said, "Christ on a pogo stick, have a clue, you disgrace to bumpkins everywhere."

And that's the truth. Pthhhhht!

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Like I told you, the bumpkin women with him looked like they could easily and happily kick my ass. As you may remember, I was the one that alerted you to the dipshittery of the smoking man at the gas station. Rapier caustic chastiesment takes too much concentration these days.
I had a "teaching moment" a year ago on my way back from Denver. These two GQ college kids are in front of me and this black guy at the airport and one bumps into him and says "cuze me brotha". The black guy just looks at them with one of those "if looks could freeze water" and boards the plane. These two tools actually act like they were the ones slighted! I said "how old do you think he was? Did you notice that he is wearing a suit and is carrying a briefcase?" He was obviously a lawyer or whatever and these two white kids are talking ebonics to him.
"that guys is old enough to be your dad! He is not your "brotha"!

They had no idea! Amazing.
"Christ on a pogo stick"? Hmmph!
"I had to continue with verbal instruction about what to do with the butt when he gave me look of non-absorption of the very potential hazard."

Did your suggestion have anything to do with HIS butt?
Yes - how it's liable to be blown off if he didn't put out his fag. Any more questions?
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